Shotgun Wedding
by Fiamme
Summary: Yami Yugi was forced to marry AnzuTéa! Dare he spend a lifetime with Ms. Friendship? Or would he much rather commit suicide?


**Shotgun Wedding**

**Fiamme**

**Summary:**Yami Yugi was forced to marry Anzu/Téa! Dare he spend a lifetime with Ms. Friendship? Or would he much rather commit suicide?

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh!

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**Author's Note:**

I don't hate Anzu/Tea. I was merely bored stiff, so I created this fan fiction. Like the title said, it's an Anzu/Téa bashing fan fiction. Before I forget, OOC-ness **will **occur.

Enjoy!

**If you wish to flame me, honor me with your name and e-mail. **

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By some miraculous phenomenon, the Yamis and their respective hosts disaffiliated, and were presently living harmoniously together. Of course, Yami Bakura still continued to execute his sinisterly tendencies, and he used them to terrify his used-to-be host (they're living together, you see). Yami Malik was still planning his malevolent schemes, but as of now, he was well-behaved. Seto was successfully managing the booming Kaiba Corporation, and he took care of Mokuba at the same time. All in all, it seemed everything's finally in order.

Well, maybe not. Why? **Because of Anzu!**

It all happened one beautiful Tuesday afternoon. As it was spring break, almost everyone was staying in their homes. For some reason even the authoress can't elucidate, the group, which included Bakura, Malik, and their respective Yamis, were in Yugi's house. Also with them were Katsuya and Seto (who reasoned out he was too rich, so it wouldn't hurt if he took a day off). The group was in the game room (since when did Yugi have a game room?), dueling for fun.

Loud knocks on the door interrupted them. Almost no one was bothered by this, except Yugi, since he owned the place. He stood up from his place (he wasn't dueling) and unlocked the door. He saw his alter-ego, Yami Yugi, looking petrified and was gasping for air.

"Partner," Yugi greeted, his friend's behavior perplexing him. It was rare when Yami Yugi looked panicky or troubled. His friend was always calm and unruffled. "What seems to be the problem?" he asked as he opened the door wider for his alter-ego.

Yami Yugi came into the room hastily. "Partner… hide me! Quick!" he said, his voice showing what he was feeling: distress and anxiety. He sat down on the floor, beside Katsuya.

The other men in the room looked at Yami Yugi. Seto and Katsuya, who were the ones dueling that time and were sitting on the carpeted floor, stopped and gazed at the Pharaoh. The terrified appearance of Yami Yugi piqued their curiosity. Yami Bakura only smirked when he saw who came in. Yami Malik had the same expression.

"What's the problem, partner?" Yugi asked worriedly as he closed the door and locked it. He sat beside Yami Yugi.

"I-It's… A-Anzu!" Yami Yugi said, his eyes dilated due to extreme trepidation. "Are you sure you locked the door? What if she follows me?" he asked as he glanced at the door. As if it would suddenly open and Anzu would come in.

Yugi gazed at the door. "It's locked, don't worry. Besides, Anzu isn't that strong to knock it down."

"What's your problem with that tramp?" Yami Bakura asked with a leer.

Yami Malik sneered at Yami Yugi. "If it's that bitch, then it's not good."

Yami Yugi nodded, trying to compose himself. "You're right. It's not good." He clenched his fists. "She's forcing me to marry her! It's a shotgun wedding!"

Everyone in the room went silent. Yami Yugi looked at them, wondering what their reactions would be. After a short moment of stillness, he realized that they _just_ found his statements ludicrous. Then everyone burst out laughing. Even Seto!

"Hahahahaha! That's what you call **hell on earth**!" Katsuya chocked out as he tried his best not to laugh so hard. He was clutching his stomach and was rolling on the floor.

"It's not funny! I know it would be hell being with her! I've known that since I listened to her useless jabber about friendship!" Yami Yugi snapped.

"What's the deal?" Malik asked as he laughed. "Surely, she just can't force you to marry her without a reason. Is she pregnant?"

The group enjoyed another amused chortle. "Anzu? Pregnant? Hahahahaha! Who would be so out of his mind and dare to even touch her?"

"She's not pregnant!" Yami Yugi hollered, grimacing. "I was asleep the whole time." He sighed. "It happened yesterday. She asked me to come to her house for something…I forgot already. Then when I got there, she made me drink some juice. I think I lost consciousness, and when I woke up this morning, I was naked beside her!"

"Hahahahaha!" The group's guffaw again echoed in the room. "You didn't see that coming, Yugi? She always had a crush on you, don't you know?" Katsuya said, laughing so hard that tears began falling down his cheeks.

"Don't laugh! It's not funny! I don't want to marry her!" Yami Yugi said. He proceeded to tell the story. "She had the darn scene videotaped. That slut! She's threatening me! She said if I don't marry her, she would make sure that the tape would circle throughout the whole town! Not only that, but she would also file a case against me!"

The group laughed harder than ever.

"But she's just seventeen, isn't she? You aren't permitted to get married until you're eighteen," said Bakura as he began to think, regaining his composure. "Well, in your case, it's all right. You're more that three thousand years old, anyway." He tried to suppress his smile, but he failed, and chuckled at the thought instead.

Yami Yugi smirked. "I argued that with her already. She said she had an uncle who was a judge, and he could cheat so the two of us would be married."

"You're in deep shit," Yami Malik said. "Tsk, tsk. I've always found that girl annoying. She's always talking about friendship."

"I've got a suggestion," Yami Bakura said, his smile absolutely malevolent. Normally, Yami Yugi didn't like that Yami's grin, but he was desperate, so he nodded to let the thief know he was interested.

Yami Bakura pointed to the window. "There's the window. The only thing you can do now is commit suicide."

"Suicide?" everyone else repeated, their tones disbelieving.

"Are you crazy?" Katsuya asked Yami Bakura.

"Preposterous," Yami Malik said as he gave an ominous grin. "Nevertheless, it's the only choice you've got, Yami Yugi."

Seto nodded. "They're right," he said, referring to Yami Bakura and Yami Malik.

"Or if you want, I have a knife here," Yami Bakura said as he searched inside his pockets. After a while, he held up a golden dagger with dragon designs. "Just slash your wrist with this, and your problem will be solved." He smirked wickedly. "Your blood, I'd gladly have." He licked his lips. "Yummy…" he said in a fiendish whisper, giving everyone the creeps.

"Why do you keep a thing as such?" Yami Malik asked curiously as he eyed the dagger.

"In case I need it," Yami Bakura said with a cruel grin.

"What?" Katsuya yelled, incredulous. Then he thought for a moment. "But…" He gazed at Yami Yugi. "What would you rather do: marry Anzu or commit suicide?" he asked sternly as he assumed a detective pose.

Yami Yugi opened his mouth to answer, but loud knocks on the door cut him short. "Atem! Are you there?" he heard Anzu say from the other side of the door. "Open this door! We'll talk!" she uttered in a rather sweet tone. Well, too sweet for comfort.

Yami Yugi went pale. "Anzu…" he whispered, even more petrified than ever. "N-no… don't tell her I'm here…" he whispered to his friends. Everyone nodded as they remained noiseless. Yugi stood up.

"Anzu, Atem isn't here," Yugi said as coolly as he could.

"I know he's there! I followed him!" Anzu yelled back as she continued to pound on the door. Yami Yugi was edgy. What if the door just burst open? Anzu would see him, and she'd force him to marry her! The mere thought of it was so ghastly; what more if it would come true? Yami Yugi didn't even want to think about it.

Katsuya got pens and papers out of nowhere, then scribbled: _What a freaky girl! _He showed it to everyone. They all nodded in agreement.

_I didn't know you're so popular, Yugi, _Bakura said, holding up his paper. _You have a stalker! _

_If you don't commit suicide, you're going to spend the rest of your life with that whore, _Yami Bakura said, still lusting after Yami Yugi's blood. He showed his paper to the Pharaoh.

_Just kill yourself and get it over with, _Malik's note said. Yami Yugi looked at him skeptically. He thought only Yami Malik was evil. Well, that all changed.

_Don't mind if we feast on your blood, okay? _Yami Malik's message said.

_Well, it's your choice, _Seto's scribbling said to Yami Yugi. _It's either you die quickly, or die slowly by listening to that girl's prattle about friendship. _

"Anzu, Atem isn't here," Yugi said, drops of sweat falling down his cheeks.

"I know he's there! You're just hiding him!" Anzu pounded again on the door. To everyone's astonishment, the door gave in. Anzu stepped up to the group, her face with a vicious look. "Atem!" she squealed, then jogged towards Yami Yugi. The Pharaoh successfully evaded her, so she fell on the floor face first, kissing the carpet.

"Aw…" she muttered as she stood up quickly. "**Honey!**" she called out after Yami Yugi, who was already hiding behind Yami Bakura. "Why are you hiding? I know what happened is such a shock to you, but you have to marry me!" she continued to squeal as she opened her arms towards Yami Yugi. The Pharaoh pushed Yami Bakura towards Anzu, so the witch hugged Yami Bakura instead.

"Get away from me!" Yami Bakura yelled frantically. "Get this bitch off me!" he said as he tried to wave Anzu off. "She's kissing me! Disgusting!" he said. "Where's my damned dagger?"

"Hey, you're not Atem!" Anzu said as she realized she was trying to hug and kiss the wrong person. "I don't like you! Get away from me!" she wailed as she moved away from Yami Bakura – who rolled his eyes and ran for the bathroom to brush his teeth and probably take a bath. _A bitch hugged me! I'm scarred for life!_

Anzu's eyes surveyed the room, and she saw Yami Yugi behind Seto. "**Honey**, I know you know me as your friend, so it really wouldn't be too hard for us to adjust when we get married. Friendship… we'll use our friendship so our marriage would be strong and we can go through all hardships that might come," she babbled continuously.

Everyone in the room covered their ears. "Shut up, you bitch! We don't want to hear any more of your stupid friendship speech! You're so repetitive, and your useless blather dishonors our ears! So shut up!" Yami Yugi shouted at Anzu.

Anzu stopped her tracks when she was close enough to the Pharaoh. "But **honey**!" She pulled Yami Yugi, who clung to Seto for help.

"Seto! Don't let this girl get me!" Yami Yugi shouted as he continued to cling to the astounded businessman.

"Don't hug me! It's gross!" Seto muttered as he tried to remove Yami Yugi's hands away from him. He turned to their friends. "Help us, will you?" he snapped at them. Simultaneously, Yugi, Malik, Yami Malik, Bakura, and Katsuya ran towards him to help. "Just get that girl away from Yami Yugi, so he'd stop clinging to me!"

The men pulled Seto and Yami Yugi away from the fierce Anzu. They were successful, and they all landed on the floor with a loud thud. "Aw! Get off me!" Katsuya yelled at them. "You're all sitting on me, and I don't like it! Get up!"

Anzu fell on the floor by herself. But, wow, surprises of all surprises, she recuperated quickly! "Why are you doing this? Aren't we all friends?" she started, and everyone got to their feet to prepare for the inevitable. Anzu continued. "Friendship is a link which involves appreciation and fondness. Friends should welcome each other's company. Thus, you all must welcome me, I am your friend –" she stopped when Yami Yugi stood up and got a porcelain flower vase from a nearby stand.

"I told you to shut up! Shut up, you slut! I don't like you, so you can now get lost and go to where you belong: brothel! Sign up there, and they'd give you attention, you sick whore!" Yami Yugi burst out. "You're forcing me to marry you, you tramp! You're blackmailing me, and I can't stand it! I don't want to marry you and spend the rest of my life wretched with you! You see, in your friendship speeches, you always say living friendship is the best way to live life. But you know what? Listening to any more of your redundant speech is the worst way to perish!" he ranted as he threw the vase at Anzu's direction. **"Die!"**

**The End

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**Author's Note: **

Ah, well, Yami Yugi has gone completely livid. :D All Yami Yugi fans, I'm afraid everything is possible if it's Anzu we're talking about.


End file.
